Many children who are grieving the death of someone, or who are witness to traumatic loss, such as is happening with recent tragedies, feel emotion on many levels, not the least of which is physical. Planning activities for children and teens that allows them to express their feelings provides a healthy and effective outlet for the many emotions they are experiencing. These activities can also bring parents and children together, at a time when the support of the family is of unparalleled importance.
For a local source of support for grieving children, contact The Caring Place at 1-866-212-4673, or visit www.highmarkcaringplace.com.
Close the cereal box and cut a hole in the top for the paper towel tube.
Tape the paper towel tube to the hole in the cereal box.
Decorate the box however you want.
Scream into the box!!!
Mad Box
Equipment: Box of any size, tape, paper.
Fill the box with paper, you can cut pictures from a magazine or write down things that make you mad.
Tape the box shut.
Use a plastic bat, bataka, or jump on the box until its in shreds.
Recycle the remnants!
Worry Beads
Equipment: Sculpt clay, toothpick, old cookie sheet.
Create beads from clay; use a toothpick to put a hole in the middle.
String the beads after baking in the oven according to package directions.
Clay Sculpting
Equipment: Clay or play dough, water for softening clay.
Use the clay to mold into different shapes.
The feel of the clay can be soothing, anger can be released when children throw it onto a hard surface.
Getting at Guilt- Children Struggling with Guilt over Loss
Equipment: Small, safe space, telephone books.
Sit with the child or children in a circle and talk openly about how you have experienced guilt feelings when someone died.
Ask if the children have had feelings like that and then have each person say "its not your fault" to the person next to them.
Tear up the phone books while saying "its not my fault!", letting the momentum build as you tear up more books!
Cool down by stuffing the paper (your guilt) into trash bags or by sitting in a quiet place, discussing the children's feelings.
For Young Children
Fly Like a Lion
Equipment: Table, bean bags or gym mats for a soft landing, loud voices, careful supervision.
Talk to the child about power and strength - discuss people and animals who are powerful and what that means for them.
Let the child climb on the table and jump off onto a soft landing space. Encourage them to jump like a powerful animal, with powerful noises.
Recognize that this is a great way for children to take back some of the power they may feel that they lost during an illness or death, as well as a way to reach and express deep feelings.
For Teens
Activities for helping children through a crisis:
Setting up building blocks and knocking them down
Pillow fights
Fill a plastic bag with plastic bottles and let the children kick the bottles
Find a safe place to go and throw stones
Running, skipping, or other physical activity
Some quieter ways of expressing emotions:
Drawing pictures of what makes you mad and bombarding them with clay
Drawing pictures
Writing poetry, journals, letters to a friend, to the president, to the terrorists
Sitting and talking or listening to music with friends.
Recommended Books
For Children
No New Baby by Marilyn Gryte
For siblings dealing with the loss of a brother or sister who dies before birth. Offers stories, and guidelines for comfort and support.
When Someone Very Special Dies by Marge Heegard
Designed to help children recognize and express feelings of grief through drawing and coloring exercises.
I'll Always Love You by Hans Wilhelm
A story about an old and loved dog's death in a family. Offers a message about remembering the person or pet you will always love.
Abuelita's Paradise by Carmen Santiago Nodar
A young child's grandmother dies. The child sits in her grandmother's rocking chair and remembers the stories she told her about her life in Puerto Rico.
After Charlotte's Mom Died by Cornelia Spelman
A young girls mother's death causes her to feel sad, mad, and scared. She and her Dad visit a therapist who helps them acknowledge and express their feelings.
Death Turns Allie's Family Upside Down by Bob Baugher, et. al.
Allie the cat watches as her family deals with the death of a grandmother. Designed to begin a dialogue with your child about death in a gentle but realistic way.
For Teens
Living When a Young Friend Commits Suicide, Or Even Starts Talking about It by Earl A. Grollman and Max Malikow
Grief counselor and psychotherapist discuss grieving a suicide; the first days after a death, how to tell if someone is suicidal, returning to school after the death, facing the future, etc. Designed also for those who work with adolescents dealing with this issue.
Through and Beyond by Molly Field
13 teenagers share their battles with cancer in this book with a forward by Senator Ted Kennedy. Discussions include diagnosis, day to day life, support systems, and self-esteem. This book is mainly in the teenagers own words.
Miscellaneous
A tiny boat at sea by Izetta Smith
How to help children who have a parent diagnosed with cancer. Discusses principles to live by as well as tasks facing children when responding to a cancer diagnosis in a parent. The word "tasks" is meant to accentuate the active nature of the grief process and an indication of the tone of the book.
My Grandfather's Blessings by Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D.
Stories of strength, refuge, and belonging that dispel the common myth of serving others as sacrifice and brings the power to strengthen and celebrate life around us within reach for everyone. Based in part on author's relationship with her grandfather.
The Tiny One by Eliza Minot
A story about an eight year old who loses her mother in a car accident. She deals with her feelings of loss - and at the same time tries to hold on to her mother- by remembering in great microscopic detail everything about the day her mother died. By doing this, she hopes to make some kind of sense out of her death, and at the same time figure out how she is going to go on with her life.
jamien.com
A wonderful true story of a courageous Maine woman's fight against breast cancer. Book is comprised of e-mail messages from friends and family sent to her and her family during her illness and after her death. Her husband and oldest son constructed a website dedicated to keeping everyone informed about how she was doing- and it blossomed into a treasury of thoughts and feelings from around the world. A moving story of one woman's celebration of life and death.
Encourage your children to talk and express all of their feelings in ways that make them feel honored and valued. Share your feelings openly, honestly, and calmly. Remember, love really counts.
