Before I get into my story I want it to be known that I had my name withheld because my children have been through enough. I do not want any repercussions of this story to affect them. Secondly, I am not getting into how I came to know that I needed help because I learned that children can be hurt by the actions of adults and this is wrong. Third, I am telling my story so that if anyone is going through my situation, they know there is help and a person can change if they 'fess up to it, don't blame anyone or anything else, and are willing to do the work it takes to change.
Last year, I had a secret that I kept for years that only a few people knew about. That secret was: I was hurting my children. It was not until someone called Children's Services on me that my secret came out. I knew who called and I am very grateful that they called. You see, my children both have some very difficult diagnoses and I would hear things like: how good a mother I was, and that if they where in my shoes, they would not be able to handle it.
Even if I did say, I am hurting my children, the reply was "No you're not -- you have a lot to handle -- this is not abuse." When Children's Services was called, they also said there was no grounds and the case was determined to be "unfounded." No matter how you slice it, I knew the situation was not good for my children; I needed help and I got it, and worked hard to come to a place to tell others my secret. Before, when I became over-stressed, I had the wrong tools in my tool box. They were Selfishness,Guilt, Pride, Anger, Self-pity and Depression. I was on a downward spiral.
Now, after a year, I see I still have a long way to go, The incident that caused someone to call Children's Services was the last time that I hurt my children. I now am on medication, I am seeing a counselor, and I have new tools in my toolbox. They are: deep breathing exercises, walking away and letting my husband handle the situation, communicating with my children, therapy with my children -- and, last but not least, a big bucket of stress-releasing toys in my living room that our whole family uses. ( It seems like such a little thing, however, this works for all of us.)
The first day of family therapy, we where asked to draw a picture of what we wanted our family to really look like. Mine was a picture with each face showing contentment. A few weeks ago, my husband turned to me and said, "What is going on here?" I replied, "What do you mean?" He answered, "It is so peaceful here now."
I am not proud of my actions, and if I knew then that there was help for me, I would have gotten it sooner. If you find yourself in my situation, there is help out there if you are willing to take it, listen to the advice, and follow through.
Editor's Note: During April, the month dedicated to creating awareness of Child Abuse and Neglect Prevention, it is important for everyone to realize that parents are often overwhelmed, particularly parents of children with special needs. You can take action by offering to help an overwhelmed parent. It's important to let parents know it's okay to ask for help. Getting to know your neighbors and the community is an important step in preventing child abuse and neglect, while creating strong, safe neighborhoods for all children to grow up healthy.
