Many parents do not want to spank their children, but they are not sure what to do instead. This is especially true of parents who were spanked when they were growing up. Disciplining children means teaching them, not punishing them. It’s an ongoing process of helping kids understand what behavior is acceptable in order to “fit in” to what you and the world expect. Remember what you are trying to do- have a pleasant, independent person, not a perfectly behaved child. Here are some tips to help you prevent a situation where spanking might happen, from the “Parenting Primer,” published by PFSA.
Make sure you have your child’s attention before you talk to him. Say his name, touch him, and look him in the eye before you give instructions.
Spend time with your children. They need undivided, personal attention on a regular basis.
Use more “do’s” than “don’ts.”
Make a few rules, but make them count. Rules should be reasonable and appropriate for your child’s age, and they should be enforced all the time.
Set a good example. Children imitate what they see around them.
Change the environment. Put away things you don’t want your child to get into and have places that are safe for kids to explore; kids younger than four just can’t resist touching things.
Prevent boredom with interesting playthings. These do not have to be expensive toys. Rotate play materials so kids always have something “new.”
Give choices when you can- we all want some control of our lives, kids included.
Give warning time; tell the child 5 to 10 minutes before one activity will end and another will begin.
Stay away from “backhanded praise” and make sure your praise is purely positive whenever you can.
Nobody’s perfect; don’t sweat the small stuff.
Did You Know?
The recently released Report on Physical Punishment in the United States: What Research Tells Us About Its Effects on Children, authored by Elizabeth T. Gershoff, PhD, summarizes hundreds of published studies on physical punishment of children. The studies were conducted by professionals in the fields of psychology, medicine, education, social work, and sociology, among others. The research supports several conclusions:
There is little research evidence that physical punishment improves children’s behavior in the long term.
According to the research evidence, physical punishment makes it more, not less, likely that children will be defiant and aggressive in the future.
Children are at risk for negative outcomes, including increase mental health problems, when they receive physical punishment.
There is consistent evidence that children who are physically punished are at greater risk of serious injury and physical abuse.
Physical punishment is the most used form of discipline in abusive families.
The report, which points out that physical punishment of children is an ineffective parenting practice, comes at a time of decreasing support for physical punishment within the United States and around the world. The majority of American adults are opposed to physical punishment by school personnel. An increasing number of Americans (now at 29 percent) are opposed to physical punishment by parents.
Source: Pennsylvania Family Support Alliance Newsletter, Summer 2009. For more information, visit www.pa-fsa.org.
